I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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