either way he was missing a nipple.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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