First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
