Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
