No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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