Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
