He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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