I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just had sex on a roof
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
