If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This show inspires me to have sex in space
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We need to get me chipped asap
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
