I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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