You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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