just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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