You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
