You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
