Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
