I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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