Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What a dumb baby whore.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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