I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
