so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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