Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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