I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
