there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
