Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
