I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
