I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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