IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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