3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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