i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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