Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
