I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
