this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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