i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
