I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
