drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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