I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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