I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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