last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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