he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
