You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize