I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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