Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
