I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
