Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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