That's when you crack a 10am beer
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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