At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
