saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
