I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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