Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
