im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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