She tied me up with her honor cords...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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