If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
