i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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