Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
