"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
