I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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