why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
