I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize