you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
