I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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