How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
