My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize