in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Come see our sink grown plant.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
