i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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