First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
