I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
