those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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