You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize