Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
