i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
