I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
