my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
