I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
