She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
