I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize