i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
