you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
