i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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