My sheets look like a crime scene.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
