God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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